Sunday, September 23, 2007

Funeral Music as Torture

Music as torture is not a new idea. It is probably as old as music and torture. You could break the spirit of a rebellious teen ager by making him watch those old Lawrence Welk shows. Or you could send your cantankerous old grandpa to the funny farm by blowing out his hearing aids with the loudest, hardest rock you can find. Music as torture is in the news lately because it has been used to break the prisoners at Gitmo. It seems to me that playing the deceased's favorite music at a funeral or memorial service might be the highest (or lowest) form of musical torture. It is a great way to give a final post mortem thumbing of the nose or raising of the middle finger to all those in attendance that you couldn't stand. Make them listen to polkas. Or opera. Or Gregorian Chants. Or Buddhist Chants. Whatever. If you want to stick it to those you know who believe the bagpipe is an ill wind that nobody blows good, be sure to have a piper play you-know-what. It will make them crazy.

6 comments:

  1. Squeeze a persons bloated stomach and soon the gas passed will be the noise of the day. Bagpipes are like trying to make a song out of fart noises.(without the smell)
    Here is a special music for a funeral. Bagpipes, chalkboard and nails, and trashcans, playing a klingon opera. There won't be a dry eye in the house.

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  2. My husband and son would LOVE bagpipes at any funeral.

    I think I'll ask them to play "Who Stole the Kishka?" at my funeral. On the bagpipes.

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  3. I heard of a guy who put his bagpipes in the back seat of his car. When he returned to the car, the back window was broken out. When he looked inside, he saw a horrible sight. Someone had thrown for more bagpipes in his car.

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  4. Friend Etaoin Shrdlu might have come up with a first. I thought there was no place, person or thing that has not become the submect of a polka. But I have yet to hear the Bagpipe Polka.

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  5. I mean subject. Let that be a lesson to ya. Preview stuff before you send it.

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  6. The referance to music being used to torture prisoners at Guantanomo caught my attention. These Muslim extremists HATE banjo music. I like to fantasize about capturing bin Laden and his ilk and subjecting them to Scruggs & Flatt and the Beverly Hillbillies' theme song 24/7/365. Yup! That would be fun to see.

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