Saturday, May 26, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
One of the joys of blogging and writing for small, low circulation or special interest publications is that they let you write your own headlines or titles.Bigger publications have editors who read your stuff and come up with their paraphrase of what they think you said. Even if you write a letter to the editor of the local newspaper and pop off about something that bugs you, their editor will come up with a headline that will amaze you. It might leave you slapping your forehead and thinking, "Is that what I said?" It would be interesting to choose a favorite syndicated columnist, find out what papers he or she appears in, and look up the headlines for a given article in several of them.
Posted by Clif Martin at 3:12 AM
Thursday, May 24, 2007
I Love advertising. Thanks to Metamucil's new commercials, I appreciate my beautiful insides. Metamucil, best described as artificially flavored sand, used to be icky stuff that old people take to help us "keep regular." That's a nice euphemism for regularly depositing a well formed turd in the family commode every day with no pain, no strain. The new commercials are aimed at young women who want to keep their insides "clean and beautiful." No mention of bathroom duties. Just yesterday I saw this strikingly beautiful woman, who also seemed to radiate that elusive inner beauty. I am thinking, "Does she take Metamucil??"
Posted by Clif Martin at 3:20 AM
Sunday, May 13, 2007
I like dogs. I like some dogs better than some people. I don't have a dog because my cats won't let me. Cats rule. I like dogs better than people who take them to public parks. I like cats better than people who let them catch my birds. I like twittering birds better than people who sing badly. What's that you say? I should quit complaining about people and go live with the animals? Good idea. Thank you.
Posted by Clif Martin at 3:41 AM
Friday, May 11, 2007
So call me a religious nut. I am getting seriously offended by hearing "Oh My God!" on TV a hundred times a day. Last night one of the shows had every cast member saying it, one right after another. I guess that's supposed to let me know that something shocking is happening. Do you think maybe God is getting a bit weary of having people call on Him and then not answering when He as asks what they want? So call me a religious nut. And there's that un-funny improv attempt, "Thank God You're here." What a lousy imitation of the brilliant "Who's Line is it." I will thank God if it gets cancelled.
Posted by Clif Martin at 3:15 AM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I am getting clinically depressed from worrying about clinics. My cereal box says the cereal is clinically proven to lower cholesterol. Way down at the bottom it says the clinic is Johnston L et al, whatever that is. How much does General Mills pay Johnston L? Does et al get their cut? If my doctor is in a clinic, is he clinically proven to cure me?
Posted by Clif Martin at 5:01 AM
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Whatever happened to Dion? He's alive because he didn't accept the offer of a seat on the plane that went down with Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and The Big Bopper. You'll be surprised at what he's doing these days.
Posted by Clif Martin at 4:34 AM
Monday, May 07, 2007
I am not wearing one of those purple bracelets that would remind me not to criticize, carp, complain or gossip for 21 days. You can get one from a Kansas Minister who came up with the idea. He has already given away four and a half million of them, along with a donation envelope that he hopes you will use.Does that mean I can't gripe and grouse, moan and groan on my blog? That would put us bloggers out of business. It would be no fun at all.
Posted by Clif Martin at 7:02 AM
Thursday, May 03, 2007
I can think of only one thing worse than attending your class reunion: Attending your spouse's reunion. You don't know those people and how could you possibly care what part they played in your partner's life a hundred years ago. It should be obvious that my long suffering partner in matrimony does not read my blog. If she did I would be a dead man.
Posted by Clif Martin at 12:42 PM
I think I envy those who enjoy reunions. They must have been well adjusted and sociable and enjoyed their school days and friends enough that they want to see them again and reminisce about old times. Not me. I don't want them to see me and I don't want to see them.
Posted by Clif Martin at 5:00 AM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Where is my share of this global warming? It's the beginning of May and I'm shivering in bed with the covers over my head. I'm breathing hard to generate warm air. I get up and take my temperature. Just as I suspected, it's 34. If I lost two more degrees I would have woke up stone cold stiff dead. My wife lies there, happy as a kid with the fan blowing on her. Is marriage a cruel trick that somebody up there plays on us? Does premarital counselling include a chapter on sensitivity to heat and cold? Does Dr. Phil know about this? Can we get on his show?
Posted by Clif Martin at 3:46 AM
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Garrison Keillor has still got it. What a great story teller. His show from Columbus, Georgia was a charmer.Made me want to head South. Only G. K could make you love a story about a guy crapping his pants, leading up to curing all your problems with a slice of rhubarb pie.
Posted by Clif Martin at 4:55 AM
The village of Fruitport, Michigan has lost a colorful landmark. A pink Crosley, a funny little car, perched high on a pole. I don't know who owns it now, but I hope they drive it around town as a tribute to Powell Crosley Jr. He was called the Henry Ford of radio when he produced low priced radios for the masses. Operated the world's most powerful radio station from Cincinnati that had the first full time weatherman, invented the first fridge with shelves in the door, designed an airplane, owned a baseball team, produced the first color telecast of a sports team. They should make a movie about him. Maybe they haven't because a fictionalized story wouldn't be as interesting as his real life.
Posted by Clif Martin at 4:06 AM