Friday, November 30, 2007


I have a plan. My personal plastic surgeon has agreed to build me two big, handsome ears just like Clark Gable and Jimmy Roberts. My personal psychic and medium, Madame Mystica, says she can put me touch with Peggy Lee, who has been singing with the angels on "the other side" for quite a few years now. Madame asssure me that all things are possible if you only believe, and I believe that Peggy will fall in love with my ears and spend the rest of her heavenly life and my earthly life purring her arrangement of "Mr. Wonderful" into my big, handsome amorous ears. First one, then the other. Or maybe both at the same time. Do they have stereo in heaven?
I considered putting Miss Lee's recording of that song here for all to hear. But it is too powerful. It might cause massive yearning and burning among men and dangerous jealousy in their women. And I don't want other guys hooking up and tuning in. She sings that song to only one man at a time and he knows it. Namely, me. That is not one of her hit recordings. It is seldom mentioned. I know she did it just for me.

Ear Envy

I don't know anything about penis envy. I have Ear Envy. I want big, handsome ears like Clark Gable and Lawrence Welk's singer, the late Jimmy Roberts.
Seems like those big ones would hold a lot of sweet nothings whispered into them. Did Norma Zimmer do that?

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Hearing Aid Insurance

If insurance coverage made hearing aids available to everyone who needs them, the insurance companies would take a huge hit. Their benevolent sounding commercials notwithstanding, they are not going to let that happen. If you want to get steamed up about this, just Google "hearing aid insurance" or any similar phrase.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Hearing Aid Cost

The local paper has a touching story about an eight year old boy who needs a $1700 hearing aid, not covered by insurance. He insisted on giving some money he had saved for it to a paralyzed friend. So what's wrong with this story? I just got a new garage door and opener for less than half the price of that hearing aid. If we had to pay that much for a pair of glasses, prescribed by someone who has at least as much training and overhead as an audiologist, our screams would be heard 'round the world. Hearing aid prices will come down and insurance will cover them when more children and aging boomers need them and they become as common as what is now "eyewear."

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Lawrence Welk Lives

As of this moment there are 66 posts answering the fellow who started it all by asking why those old Lawrence Welk shows are on PBS TV every week instead of much better bands from that era. Why have the champagne Music Makers been on TV for 50 years? You can learn a lot from watching the interviews with surviving old Welk stars. When one of them was asked what she learned from boss Daddy Welk, she said he reminded her that she was in show business and the music business. Not art. Business. Son Larry Welk and everyone who keeps those old shows going knows that. Lawrence found a niche and he milked it. It still works today. PBS makes a lot of noise about being a high class alternative to commercial broacasting, but they have to care about ratings and income. The old Welk Shows are top rated , big money makers for PBS at fundraising time. .

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Weird Online Groups

I have been on probably 8 or 10 groups. Everything from exotic diseases to Hammond Organs and Wurlitzer Pianos and goofy religions and all sorts of hobby and professional interests. People who spend too much time on the internet are weird. I spend too much time on the internet. Every group I've been on has degernated into feudin', fightin' and fussin' that would get you punched in the nose if you said those things in person. A guy on my group that's supposed to be about antique radios is all pissed at the administrator who deletes his rants about the price of gasoline.
I am now embroiled in deep do-do about Lawrence Welk. I love those corny old shows. Can't get enough of it. Other guys in the group say it's the ultimate pollution of the TV airwaves. Those guys need to get a life. I need to get a life.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

pointless, obscure post

I joined some fellow geezers for lunch yesterday at the local Perkins Restaurant. I always want to call the restaurant and ask if Ma Perkins is there, but they wouldn't get it. Nobody under 80 would, and almost nobody that old has a computer, so why am I writing this. I guess I need to move into the Shady Pines rest home. The folks there would remember Ma and Evie and Shuffle even if their short term memory was all shot. They would tell me to call Ma at the Lumber Yard.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Turkey Testicle Time

I will be heading for Byron, Illinois this weekend for the annual Turkey Testicle Festival. I don't think I will get in on the turkey testicle eating contest but I have been training for the "Run for the nuts." That Byron is some wild town!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Married to the Internet

24 percent of Americans say the internet is a suitable substitute for a real, live mate. The only thing you can't do online is procreate. That's next.

Friday, November 02, 2007

It's all over in 2012!!

So the world is going to end. Again. This time it's 2012. Let it end. I did not buy a generator, stockpile food and fill my gastank to be ready for the year 2000 and I plan no special preparations for 2012. Whatever happens, happens. Big hairy deal.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Twelve Step Question

I wonder if the many groups that borrowed AA's twelve step program accept the controversial part that says the addiction/disease/whatever it is can never be cured, but only arrested and you can never drink, smoke, gamble, do drugs, etc. even moderately, socially or recreationally or you'll be shot down if you fall off the wagon even once.

Sexual Addiction Disease?

It's been revealed that President Ford said Bill Clinton is a sex addict who needs to be treated for it. Is it a disease, like the current wisdom(?) says of addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, overeating, undereating, porno, internet, cluttering and anything else we do to dangerous excess? (I seriously need to join clutterers Anonymous) The Sex Addicts Anonymous group, patterned after AA's 12 step program, says it is. I was surprised that Dr. Phil appears not to believe it and he's ready to fight with any therapist who uses that diagnosis as an excuse for not keeping your pants on.