George's Hair

My only interest in George Carlin was his pony tail, which I envied. How did he do that? He was balder than I am but he had enough hair back there for a fine tail. Why can't I do that. If I say stuff that shocks people will my hair grow?
My favorite routine, that nobody mentions, is the one about the difference between baseball and football. That's funny.

Radio Days

I just watched Woody Allen's Radio Days again. Every fan of old time radio and 20th century pop culture oughta see it. Great memories of how important radio was back in those long gone days. Those too young to have been there won't believe it, but it was really like that. Radio was probably a more vital part of American life than TV is today because it had less competition from other media. Woody's parody of some of the great radio stars was right on. Especially the "Bill Kern" sport story.Wildly funny, clearly a grand jab at Bill Stern and his over-the-top tales.

Rethinking Oprah

Scott is right ... good reviews can be bought. I would find much to admire about Oprah if she gave me a car.

Crude Critique

I like Joan Rivers. She doesn't take herself seriously. She's just a good old broad who likes to get laughs. Don't like Oprah. Takes herself seriously. On a mission to make the world better. Don't like Ellen. Dances too much and has funny eyes.

Pageant Time

It's that time of year when the young babes enter their local scholarhip pageant, hoping to one day become Miss America. I would love it if one of the women would throw out her carefully prepared speech about her agenda for saving the world and say something like, "What the hell do you think I'm here for? I want to win the damn contest and get a scholarship and all the goodies that go with it. Isn't that what we're all here for?" She would get my vote.

Virtually Literal??

Literal is one of the good words that's gone bad lately. I heard a commercial that says a furniture store is literally blowing the doors down with their door buster sale. I'm not going near that place. Who wants to get clobbered by flying door parts. And there's the car commercial that says you can now literally take a test drive on your computer. Huh? What? If I crash, will I literally die? Will my insurance literally cover it?

Green Tea, Brown Presidents

Mr. Obama is a shoe-in. He's got Oprah. The most powerful woman in America says she did a happy dance when he clinched it. I don't want to see her happy dance. Ellen Degeneres does quite enough dancing for me, thank you. Imagine those two happy dancing together. Dr. Phil would proably join them. Whatever it takes to get ratings. That might make me throw a heavy object at the TV. Oprah plugs a book, it sells a million. Now she's endorsed green tea. Where can I buy some green tea stock? I wonder if Obama drinks green tea.

Great Commercial Lines

From a commercial for the Electricians Union: You should hire a union electrician because he knows his amps from a hole in the ground. That's funny.

Shake it, Sister Kate

One of the two things I don't like about modern jazz is, it's usually played without vibrato. A sax with no shake is just a honk and a trumpet sans vibrato is a blat. I'm not asking for Guy Lombardo's simpering saxes, just a little vox humana.
That's why I don't listen to classical organ music, either. Give me the trembling tones of a theater organ, please. Maudlin when done right. I love it. I will reveal my other problem with jazz after I recover from the virtual wounds I expect from angy jazz fans.

Harvey Korman has died

Thanks to blogger Scott for being the first to let me know. If there's comedy in heaven, Harvey and God and the angels are now breaking each other up, rolling around on the clouds.

Mounting Bettie

Got your attention, didn't I. But wait! Before you flag me or invoke your God-given duty to clean up the mess that is the blogosphere, let me explain. Those who know me best and wish they didn't, know the only thing I mount these days is new photos, paintings and drawings of the bodacious 50's pin-up girl Bettie Page on the wall of my den of nostalgic iniquity. She shares space with a Packard roadster from the 30's and the huge Zenith radio representing the 40's. I am dangerously close to finding room for a vintage Hammond Organ to add to the mix. But then I will need a Hammond clock, which the amazing Laurens Hammond invented before his organ rose to great heights. I must figure out how to post a You Tube so I can share my naughty, nostalgic wall of wonder with my fans. All two of them.

Foolish Finales

Thank God for Boston Legal. They actually had a season finale without a main character getting killed. Two straight guys who love each other have a fight, make up and go fishing. That's my kind of finale.

Crazy album covers

Audiophiles are all excited about the possible return of old fashioned vinyl Lp's that they can play on their vacuum tube equipment. They think they can actually hear a better, warmer sound from the old technology. Maybe they can. Others, like me, who don't hear all that well anyway, are more interested in seeing those big 12 inch album covers come back.Give me Julie London!! Who needs those dinky CD covers in their plastic cases. Warning: Do not go to these wacky covers unless you are in a position to laugh your butt off while you roll on the floor. It's from a great antique radio group that I check every day.

Keillor's aging audience

Sixty-five year old Garrison Keillor filled our 1700 seat theater last week. I was not there. Too pricey for me. The local reviewer wrote, "He regaled an audience of 1725, the majority of which appeared to be his age or in the vicinity." If I could find the review of his previous performance here in 2004, I suspect that the audience was younger. The sage of Lake Wobegon has given way to the young and more edgy humorists like David Sedaris. Too bad they didn't use the restored theater pipe organ as an opener. The old folks would have loved it. I'm not sure the Wurlitzer in Minnesota's Fitgerald theater is operational right now.

Old Farts and Computers

It's time for me to grind out another article for our senior magazine that's published by the area council on aging. I think it will be "Why You Need a Computer," suggesting that people my age (slightly older than dirt) oughta get computer-friendly enough to get some of the good stuff that's available on the 'net. Will anybody be convinced? Not likely. Too bad.

Hammond and Leslie

One of the great examples of 20th century American pop culture is a revolutionary musical instrument invented in 1935 that changed the way music was made in church, theaters, on rado and in homes. I wrote about it bsck in '06. Hook a 60 year old Hammond B-3 up to a Leslie speaker and you will send a present day jazz fan into ecstacy. You will also send him to the bank to get funds to buy it from you for several thousand bucks if you are willing to part with it.

Radio Organists

Here is an extensive list list of organists and the radio shows they worked on. It was my memorable opportunity to re-create WLW's famous late night "Moon River" program with Lee Irwin, who was one of the WLW organists who provided the beautiful music for the sentimental poetry on that show. I stood beside the pipe organ console at our local theater and read the poems, including the original opening and closing lines used on WLW, while Lee Irwin re-created his "Moon River" style that he played on the WLW Wurlitzer. Parts of the WLW organ were in a restaurant pipe organ North of Cincinnati for a while but I believe the place is now closed and I'm not sure what has happened to the organ. Our re-creation was taped and carried on the local station where I was a deejay. One of these days I will put a bit of it on here. I will say Lee Irwin got more beautiful sounds from that eight rank Barton organ (that's pretty small as pipe organs go) than any of the other big name performers who have played it.

Funny White People Stuff

The latest STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE is so funny it made me laugh my left buttock off. And the right one is getting loose. Alright, you nutty grammarians. Don't bother to tell me I shouldn't oughta start a sentence with "And."

A Fine Romance

I just watched Fred and Ginger in "Swing Time." That's fun. That's romance. Comcast is not all bad after all. At least they give me Turner Classic Movies. Well they don't exactly give it to me. But it's worth the price to wallow in nostalgia.

Ghosts and Vampires

I watched a bit of "Numbers" last night, but all that math boggles me. I went to bed and listened to an old "Silver Theater" radio show with Joan Crawford emoting something fierce. I couldn't take much more TV after watching Jennifer Love Hewitt help ghosts cross over to the other side and the vampire guy leap tall buildings with a single bound while his eyes get all weird and his neck biting teeth stick out. I wonder if the actors on those shows laugh their butts off at what they do. Probably do, all the way to the bank. The vampire show ended with a bit of a song, as referred to in the previous entry. At least it was from my era and I could understand the words. I think it was a Glenn Miller recording that included the word "Moonlight." OK, I get it. Vampires do their thing by moonlight. But they might better have used Bing Crosby's "Moonlight becomes you."