Fallacious Forwards

Swiffer products don't contain anti freeze that will kill your pets. If they did, it would attack the kidneys, not the liver as told in that heart rending first person forward that's going around.

$32,000 worth of UPS Uniforms were not sold on e-bay, ending up in the hands of terrorists who might show up at your door. It did not happen.

Applebee's are not giving $50 gift certificates if you will forward an e-mail. Bill Gates and AOL aren't paying you for e-mails, either. Nobody is.

Madalyn Murray O'Hare did not try to get religious broadcasting taken off the air.

There is no lead in lipstick.

And on and on and on, these legends, rumors and conspiracy theories keep piling up in my mailbox. If I get one I have not seen a dozen times already, I go immediately to Snopes. com or one of the other sites that lets me know if it's true or false. Most of them are false. I never forward them.

DOES POWER CORRUPT?

Media stars have too much power. Dr. Phil and Oprah have too much power. Oh yeah, they do tremendous good works with their power. But something about it doesn't feel right.

Things that are harder than pulling teeth

Right at the top of the list:

Cancelling an internet service provider. They'll give you the rest of your life free, two months at a time to keep you from quitting.

Favorite Breakfast

I sit here chomping on ground up baloney, dill pickles and onions. I love it. Am I a sick man? Will I soon be one if I continue this diet??

Michigan Art Show

Jack Snider, who drew the Bettie Page get well card for me about ten years ago, is showing his work along with three other area artists in Holland, Michigan. 

TOO PERSONAL???

I get real alarmed at some of the personal stuff that bloggers put out there for the whole world to see. Things that should only be revealed to a shrink. There are all kinds of predators and crazies out there and it's not all that hard to find you if you look vulnerable.

The Marriage Bed

I can tell you how my wife and I will die. She will have heat prostration and I will freeze to death.

What's funny?

There's nothing more personal and subjective than one's sense of what is or is not funny. There are just two TV shows in recent memory that make me laugh out loud. There was Everybody Loves Raymond and now there's Boston Legal. Boston Legal just about puts me on the floor in hysterics. I wake up laughing about it in the middle of the night. This is not recommended if you sleep with another person.

I've been Fritzed

The machine has returned home after a week-long stay at the cyber hopspital. It was on the fritz. Which leaves me with a gnawing puzzlement. Who is this Fritz guy that takes the heat for everything that doesn't work?

Nurse Bettie Page

I guess I have a nurse fetish. No doubt inspired by the notorious Bettie Page, as drawn for me by Grand Rapids, Michigan artist Jack Snider when I was in the hospital. (Jacksnider.com)

Two of the brightest lights in the generally dull blogosphere are Nurse Ratched (http://www.nurse-ratcheds.blogspot.com/) and EtaoinShrdlu
(http://pot-of-message.blogspot.com/) who is a student nurse.

Reality shows ain't real

I don't want to believe there's more than a handful of viewers who are so dumb that they think the reality shows are what happens in real life. If you filmed a day in the life of any of those people or groups and put it on the air without hours and hours of editing, it would be so boring and dull that nobody would watch it.

The computer generation

At one of our local hospitals a baby was born clutching a computer mouse in his tiny little hand. His parents met through an online dating service.

I love blogs

Oh yeah, I waste hours punching the "next blog" button. After I got over the shock of realizing that English is fast becoming a second language on the web, I found some wunnerful stuff. Some are stupid, some are just silly like this one. It's worth the wear and tear on your fingers when you stumble upon something brilliant and/or funny. One of these years I will produce a list of favorites. But not today. Too busy blog surfing.

Too Young or Too Old

While updating my profile I learned that you can't use Blogger unless you're at least 13 but no more than 103. I just made it.

Larry Hammond's Music Machine

The Laurens Hammond story needs to be told. Over a hundred patents. A tickless clock, automatic transmission, the Hammond organ. The pipe organ people got so sore because the Hammond was killing their business that they got the Federal Trade Commision involved. His greatest idea may have been the Novachord, an astounding synthesizer decades ahead of its time. What a tale. What a guy.

All messed up

The microwave calls me a child and the computer says my java and cookies are messed up. Plus that, I had to ask my wife what an error is in baseball and I still don't get it. Etaoin says I need dunkers. That's probably what's wrong. My java is full of crumbs from dunking too many cookies.